Friendships defined

I've been having this strange desire to define friendship recently. I have been going over and over in my head analyzing why some friendships work so well & last so long and others come to sad and tragic ends.

I know the bible says to everything there is a season, so in conjunction with that friendships have seasons and some seasons are just longer than others.

I have a had a few really, really great friends. I still cherish the memories and times I've spent with the ones who felt it necessary to move on or that I have had to let go of. The others I always wonder why we still stick together, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

My friends do not define me, nor do I define them. My friends are simply there for me when I need them to be there for me. We each have our own definition of friendship which is only expressed and defined through the feelings we share with each other.

It's like the bible says in 1 Corinthians 13:11 when I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. When I was younger I felt as though all my friends needed to understand my friendships with other people in order for all of us to be around each other. It was necessary for friend 'A' to understand why I had developed a friendship with friend 'B'. I was constantly giving disclaimers and warnings for the attitudes and lifestyles of other people. As an adult I am no longer living like that. Now, if friend A doesn't understand my friendship with friend B--that's okay. A and B do not have to get along, hang out, or even talk unless they want to.

I no longer feel like everyone needs to get along. No excuse has to be made to be friends. I care about that person, I feel good when I am around them and normally I am getting and giving different things in my friendship with Friend A than I am in my friendship with Friend B. There are times when I wish that I could have it all in one person--then I wouldn't have to juggle so many different places or different attitudes but then I wouldn't have a balance.

I am constantly seeking my friends opinions on things and it's mostly because of the vast differences of opinions that I receive. I appreciate each and everyone of my friends and I hope they all know it. Whether we were friends in middle school, high school, college, and beyond, whether we talk daily, weekly, monthly, or otherwise. We don't have to all have fun together--but I would like it if we could all get along and respect each other's friendships or lack thereof.

I hope that everyone is mindful in their own friendships about making sure that their needs are satisfied and are not trying to please or satisfy people who are on the outside of that relationship looking in. Make sure that you are pleased with the outcome of the events that happen within that relationship. Love is a feeling that is shared between two people--there is no duplicating or justifying the kind of feelings that are shared. Love can not be expressed in words--though we often try, it is something that has to be felt and experienced and while we can often start the process to developing friendships we have little to no control as to where they will take us.

Friendship is only a journey that can be experienced by the people taking it. Just enjoy it for it's season......

My inspiration: My favorite song from Kindergarten.

Love and it's Fluidity

So I have been playing around with the idea that love is a fluid emotion. It's something that I think a lot of times we do not fully understand the fluidity of love, we are expecting the love in our relationships to be solid and the basis of all else. This is really not the case...we need to change our mindsets and notice how this changes things based on just that.

Love does not keep us from being lonely...long distance love can sometimes still be lonely. Love does not make work any easier...though it is nice to have someone to vent to about work, or not discuss work with at all. Love does not help the bills get paid when the budget doesn't quite work out. Love can be fun when it is not abused or expected to meet the needs of some other emotion or requirement.

A stable and healthy relationship is based on truth and honest. A stable and healthy relationship is one in which we are able to recognize our partners flaws and we are able to work together on creating a relationship that solidifies our love.

We are capable of creating a place for our love to be grown....we must provide ourselves with those chances. We must allow our minds the chance to process what our hearts, wallets, and bodies are feeling. We have to create a relationship that will be to love like dark, wet places to bacteria.

We have to find someone who has a spirit of creativity, compassion and desire that will work cohesively with our spirit, creative minds, and desires. Once we stop looking at the superficial and begin to examine the true heart of a person we will be able to build an openness with someone that would be conducive to love.

I have realized now that even if I don't find love that's okay. I may be alone for the rest of my life, but I won't be lonely because I will find companionship someplace else. I'd be fine in a happy loving, marriage even if it's not with "the greatest love ever" I will be with someone who is stable and real and we enjoy each other....the key to finding love is to find happiness.

Boys, Boys, Boys

So, there are too many things going on these days, but guys can't seem to get it handled.

There is this guy that keeps coming across to me as slimy. I have known this guy for what seems like ages, but the slime is just starting to ooze from places it never oozed from before. Is it possible that I just never noticed before?

I know sometimes as women we try to pretend like we don't know certain things are happening in relationships. Is this also the case for platonic friendships? I'm trying to let this guy go because he doesn't understand why this slime that he is giving off is repulsing.

He does things like invite people out and not pay the bill, change plans at the last minute, and hate on the other people involved in his friend's life. These qualities make me wonder should I surround myself by someone that I do not feel would make ANYONE a good life partner?

NO, we should only allow ourselves to be around people that have good qualities. I realize there are people who are around us that we not exactly attracted to;do not have a good chemistry with--those are not the people we should avoid. If someone does not have basic human decency qualities, then we should not continue to allow them to hang around us--even in friendship.

When do guys turn into Men? Or does this guy continue to act the way he would have in high school because we were friends even then. I'm not really sure how I feel about this entire situation, I just kind of realized that he's not worth hanging out with. We can't do anything without me having to ask him to be a gentleman in the situation. If I treated him the way he treats me--he wouldn't want to be my friend either.

That's enough of a reason to not be friendly about anything. I'm not angry at what has happened, as I realize the reason he has continued in such a manner is because I have not required better. Maybe he will realize that he needs to do better with the next friend, but this is not being done as a punishment but to protect myself from the embarrassment that I feel by being associated with someone like him.

The friendship was good while it lasted, but now it's over. The more I look around the more I realize, that I'm cutting people off. Maybe it's just temporary and I have deal with my own issues. Who knows....

Starting Now and Forever More

Hello world!!!!

I hope someone will find this helpful, this is just my diary, it's what I'm feeling. I'm logging my growth as a person, I will sometimes talk about my weight, my future, my life, make up, hair, anything else I want to put out there. My blog will be random like me and will reflect only my opinions on things. So here goes...

Recently, I've been doing a lot of soul searching and I realized that I'm looking in the wrong places for things...we need not search other people's souls--we should be searching our own. I have always known to seek God he will tell us exactly who He wants us to be. I'm learning now to be the best me ever! My motivation to do this today was the fact that I had been considering it for several weeks, but never did it. I was sitting in the bathtub today in a very uncomfortable state--feeling like I needed to get some things out. I hope no one takes offense and I hope everyone will be inspired to share their thoughts and stories to have a positive impact on other people!

I'm learning to let go of drama, and this weekend I did just that...I ended a interesting arrangement that I had with someone who was not that one. For the first time ever, I don't feel liberated, heart broken, or worn thin from the interaction. I don't feel like I should chase him around or miss anything that we did. I have learned that in the future I want to have something Great with an honest person and that I don't have to justify that relationship to anyone, not friends, not family, not Sorors, not a single person other than the two in the relationship have to be satisfied with it. I look forward to developing and investing in a relationship that will be mature and meet the needs of all parties involved. Until then, I'm continuing to invest in me.

I've recently transitioned to natural hair from relaxed hair, and I haven't felt as pretty as often as I have in the past, so in the next few weeks, I'll be watching my hair, body, and attitude change into something more appealing. My attitude has not always been the best, but I'm hoping that by letting go of the actions that other people I will make more room for loving them. My new mantra "I am in control of me" is what I will have to continue to say about those situations that I have no control over.

I have some interesting feelings about men that I will have to share one day during another post. I plan to share a lot--not too much. I won't update daily, and I won't update multiple times each day unless I find I need to vent. I'll try to include something that has me moved currently. Today this is my inspiration, though it has nothing to do with anything mentioned above.

Check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqRur_lxJmM